Saturday, July 7, 2012

Class Reunion

I just got back from my 20 year reunion.  As I was mingling and awkwardly staring at everyone's chest, trying to read their name tag, I realized what everyone was doing.  They are measuring everyone up and playing a big game of "one up."

I started to think that there has to be a better way of determining who wins the reunion.  Obviously, if you went to high school with LeBron James, he wins the reunion every year.  He is clearly the most successful and can "one up" anyone there, but in the real world with a room full of nobodys WHO WINS?  How do you keep score?      I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.

Here is how it works.

1.  You get a series of points based on your life, your job, where you were and where you are.
2.  Remember, most people remember you from 20 years ago, so the bar is only as high as your last meeting.  If you haven't seen anyone since high school, you compare yourself to high school.  If you saw these folks at your 10 year, then that becomes your baseline...get it?
3.  You are measured against societal norms.  Sorry for all of you who are a little different.  You separated yourself from us now be prepared to be judged!  This isn't a right vs. wrong thing, it is just how everyone thinks.  For example, if you graduated with a normal head of hair and you show up at the reunion with a green mohawk, you're going to be judged against the societal norm and your baseline of normal hair...get it?
4.  The higher your number the worse it is.  You want to stay close to zero or negative numbers.
5.  This is highly subjective and I am the law.  There is room for discussion, but I don't update this thing often enough for you to get any sort of change authorized.  Therefore, this scoring system is the law!

Scoring rules:

Rule #1 Who got fat?  You get 1 point for every percent of body weight you gained.  If you were 100 lbs. in high school and you are now 200 lbs. you get 100 points for a 100% increase in weight.  This is pretty self explanatory.  People were used to you being thin and now you are not.  The shock factor can be high and folks will talk about you!

Rule #2  Where do you work?  NOBODY CARES.  Everyone lies about their job anyway.  We aren't smart enough to know that the TPS reports that you create on a daily basis are important or not.  Unless your job is obviously high or low, no points awarded.  This is where LeBron would get all of his points.  Actors, singers, professional athletes, etc. can score big here.  You and I get zilch.

Rule #3  Marriage.

  • never married 1 point per reunion after 5 year reunion. (15 points for the class of 1992)
  • One spouse, still married (-10) points
  • One spouse, divorced 10 points
  • One divorce, currently married 8 points
  • Two divorces 25 points
  • Three divorces 50 points
  • 4+ divorces - Just give yourself a big score.
Rule #4 Kids
  • Zero kids/single 0 points.  
  • Zero kids/married 1 point per year married.  Folks expect you to have kids.
  • 1 kid-married (-10 points) 1 kid-single/divorced (-5 points)
  • 2 kids-married (-20 points) 2 kids-single/divorced (-10 points) you get -5 points if you have one boy and one girl, since that is what everyone really wants.
  • 3 kids-married (-17 points) 3 kids-single/divorced (-7 points).  That's right, you're overpopulating the Earth so your bonus is sinking. +3 points if you have three girls.  Sorry, Darrell, Bryan and Buddy.
  • Each kid over 3, just add 5 points/kid to the 3 kid schedule.  I can make allowances for twins...especially the cool kind that look alike!

Rule #5 General
  • Gay = 50 points, unless you were gay in High School.  Folks don't like surprises and they will judge you.  If you were always very effeminate as a guy and it really surprises nobody, this can be greatly reduced.  If you are a guy and wore a dress in high school but denied being gay, you could actually lose points on this one because people will be glad that you quit fighting it.  The full 50 is for a total surprise announcement. 
  • Live in the same house your grew up in (with mom and/or dad) = 50 points.
  • Live in a cool exotic place = various.  I'll make judgments as I hear them.  You get big points if you live at the beach.
  • If you get waaay too drunk at the reunion and someone else has to guide you home = 20 points.  Seems harsh, but this is your one impression that will last until your next reunion.
  • Baldness (exception: if you have or have had Chemo, you can get a pass)
    • Guys - take your percentage of hair loss on top of your head and multiply by .25.  If you are 100% bald on top, you get 25 points. 
    • Girls - just give yourself a big score....sorry.

My score is 12.  I ain't ashamed of it!  This was meant to be fun.  If it made you mad, then you get a bunch of points for being an idiot.  This was meant to be a funny jab at societal judging.  If your number is less than 12, then you cheated and give yourself some points for being a cheater!  

Thursday, October 20, 2011

St. Louis

About a month ago, my boss called me to inform me that I was going to attend the SDDC (Surface Deployment and Distribuition Command) Traffic Management Workshop in St. Louis. Woo Hoo! I actually tried to talk my way out of it, but one of us needed to go, and he is the boss. As the trip got closer, I realized that there was a chance that the Rangers could be in town for the World Series.

As it turned out, it all fell into place and I happened to be in a city where the World Series was being played with my favorite team. I look up my hotel and it is 2 blocks from Busch Stadium. A very short walk. It's also across the street from the Gateway Arch (Meh).

As the weather got colder, I followed the internet ticket prices and watched them drop and drop. Finally, about an hour before the game started, I walked over to soak up the scene and look for tickets. The first few scalpers were looking to get rich off of me so I just kept on walking. What I noticed was that there were more scalpers than people needing tickets...always a good thing! Finally as the national anthem was being sung, I bought a ticket on the third base side 3rd level. Face value = $215 Paid $80. Couldn't pass it up. When I got to my seat, there were three empty seats all in a row and I sat in the middle. Both arm rests and nobody next to me! Everything was perfect, except the weather and the final score.

I would have bet the house that it was below 40 degrees, but it was between 45-50 degrees, which doesn't sound cold until you add in a steady drizzly and a 20 mph wind. Later the drizzle turned into a light rain...nice! Also, the fact that I was just sitting still and not moving made it so much colder. If I was out jogging, 45 with drizzle is an ideal weather situation. Sitting still in a hard plastic chair makes it cold. I had on a t-shirt, a button down shirt, a hoody - hood on, and a jacket. Overall, I had a blast, and I got to go to a World Series game!

Observations about the game:
1. St. Louis is a baseball town. The whole downtown area is red and white.
2. A downtown stadium is really cool. For some reason, have the stadium in the middle of everything is pretty cool.
3. The ballpark in Arlington puts on a MUCH better show than Busch stadium. I could have napped while at the game, it was so quiet between innings.
4. St. Louis fans are not nearly as into the game as Ranger fans. The only time the crowd got loud was after the two RBI hits and in the top of the ninth inning.
5. St. Louis fans are very cordial. I wore my Ranger jacket and never even got a second look. I've been to plenty of different games as a visiting fan and this is easily the least aggressive crowd toward visiting fans.
6. When it is cold, people don't remove their hats during God Bless America. I did. It was cold, but doesn't seem like too much of a sacrifice!
7. No dot race, no Cotton Eyed Joe, no Deep In The Heart Of Texas?? See #3. All they had was a couple girls and a T-Shirt sling.
8. The squirrel is really stupid. I think Rowdy is better than that squirrel. The claw and antlers is cooler than that squirrel. The Crowley High School eagle is cooler than that dumb squirrel (shout out to D. Loomis)
9. All this, the best part of this trip is going to be the flight home to see my baby!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Greatest Sports Year Ever

For father's day, I got the best gifts. I usually don't ask for anything, because I'm usually satisfied with the things I already have, but the ol' wifey hit the nail on the head this year. I got the following:

Maverick Championship T-Shirt - Nice my 3rd favorite sports team
Maverick Championship Hat
Rangers World Series T-Shirt - Nice my 2nd favorite sports team
Rangers World Series Hat
Auburn National Championship T-Shirt - Nice my favorite sports team
Auburn National Championship Hat

Three T-Shirts/three hats, three teams that were in the final game of the year. Unfortunately, the Rangers came up short, but Rangers in the world series for the first time ever has to be considered a successful year. Both Auburn football and Mavericks basketball were crowned as the best. So many horrible years of Lakers, Yankees and Alabama titles have made me triple appreciate the year that I had. The sports gods have smiled on me. I like the Cowboys, but I would sacrifice a 0-16 Cowboy season if I could duplicate the Rangers, Auburn, and Mavs years.

This got me to thinking....

I root for Auburn because I am a proud alum. My dad is a proud alum, and my sister is proud alum. I root for the Rangers and Mavericks because I have almost my entire live in the DFW area, and you should root for your home team. This got me to thinking. I'm am going to put together some rules for who you can root for:

1. My Yankees/Lakers rules - You are never allowed to root for a team just because they win a lot. You must have some tie to the team. People always claim that they are from New York or LA....then root for the Mets and the Clippers!

2. My Alabama Rule - If you align yourself with team, you are never allowed to root for their rival. If Alabama suited up against the Taliban football team, I would don my headdress and pray toward Mecca! I heard someone say I root for both Georgia and Auburn. Not possible, at least not week in and week out. Possible exception - When the Bulldogs play the tide, Go Dawgs!

3. My Barkley Rule - When I was 16, Matt, Todd, and I got a chance to meet Charles Barkley on a random encounter at a sporting goods store in Alabama. We saw him and he was the greatest guy ever to us. He was friendly and took the time to chat and joke with us. That said, after that I always rooted for Barkley - Philly, Arizona, Houston, etc. Now I root for the TNT broadcast. He's not without his flaws, but I love the guy. If you have a friend, buddy, etc. you are allowed to switch allegiances to follow him.

3a. My Lebron Corollary - You are not allowed to root for Lebron and Miami. You don't know him. Unless you are rich and famous, he doesn't care about you, a point he made clear after game 6. All of the "regular" folks who have to wake up in our own miserable non rich worlds are never allowed to root for him!

4. My UTA/UAB Rule - If you went to small college and don't specifically root for any team, you are not allowed to celebrate the losses of others. Any time that Auburn loses, I can count on about 5 phone calls from some idiots that don't have a team. Unless you feel the joy/pain of a particular team, you are not allowed to dance on the graves of other people's teams. A die hard Bama fan is allowed to say, "Auburn Sucks" because they know that college sports are a huge boomerang and it will come back next year, but that is how it works. If you don't really care who wins or loses a game, then continue to not care when my team loses.

5. My Persistance Rule - Once you declare a team, you are stuck with them. You can't root for them and support them when they are good and ignore them when they are bad. There are a few exceptions. Dad jumped ship on the Cowboys when they fired Landry...I kinda understand.

Fact is, the most popular teams and players are those that win, because people are stupid. I can't stand the Yankee fans, Laker fans, Red Sox fans, Kobe fans, Lebron fans (wait he doesn't win, ignore that one), Tiger Woods fans, etc. These fans sure do get quiet when their teams are losing. I bet you don't see too many Tiger Woods fans right now. That bandwagon lost a wheel. The Lebron fans have been quiet for a couple weeks. Quick shout out to the Cubs fans...what a loyal fan base for such a miserable team.

You can put this on the record. I never liked Michael Jordan. I never liked Tiger Woods. I never liked Shaq. As a kid I rooted for the Lakers, but I grew up. Teams that I have always rooted against: Miami Hurricanes, Oklahoma, Notre Dame, the Yankees, The Celtics, Ohio State, USC.

I tend to root against the "popular" teams. I stick with DFW teams and Auburn. Everyone else can lose for all I care.

Sunday, April 24, 2011


I grew up Baptist and the idea of Lent was foreign to me. Carrie grew up Methodist and traditionally denies herself something for Lent each year. This year, I was with a crew of folks that had all decided to give something up. This is where I got the title of "Lentor" Patrick summed it up best so I will steal his words:

"As an aside, the term Lentor was coined at a birthday dinner when a friend had a question about not swearing. A different friend quickly intervened, heading off any moral quandary and designating himself as a Lentor, one who can determine the applicable boundaries of a Lenten sacrifice. I’m sure a priest could have served the role, but what lay person wouldn’t want to help set some tangible, real world spiritual chalk lines?"

It was fun having spirited discussion on whether or not it was permissible for someone giving up fried foods to have pan fried chicken (I ruled that it was not OK to have pan fried foods). I like having the power to make decisions over the lives of others. I think I am going to start arbitrarily judging others.

For example, effective immediately, I will begin to judge who has the best comment on Facebook statuses. I will also rule as to who has the worst! The winners/losers will only come from those that are on my friends list, and I may choose not to issues a ruling if there aren't enough comments. I will also be keeping score. There are rules to. Any LOL or other dumb acronyms or happy faces made with colons will automatically be up for worst comment and can never win best comment. I'll be keeping score folks, so choose your words carefully!

Here is a list of my Lentor rulings:

1. For someone who gave up cussing - Could not flip people off, can not say "BS" or "SOB", Shoot/Dang were permitted.
2. For someone who gave up fried foods - Could not eat pan fried foods. Any time that oil was added, it became illegal. Bacon, even though fried in a pan is OK, because oil wasn't added.
3. For someone who gave up deserts - Milkshake with a meal are OK. Milkshakes after the meal are no OK, they become a desert.
4. For someone who gave up Facebook - You can't update your status, even if you break up with your boyfriend and Facebook has you in a relationship
5. I ruled against the "it is OK on Sundays deal" Lent loses its power if you can "cheat" every seventh day. I say you maintain it the whole time.


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Second Chance

Don't you always wonder how many chances SHOULD someone get? Does everyone deserve a second chance? What about a third? This is one issue with this country. We keep giving people more chances. At some point, we have to identify people as the kind of guy/girl that cannot play by society's rules. For example, Charles Manson was in jail multiple times, twice for rape, and several times for theft, yet he kept being released. You probably know the rest, he led a group that went on a killing rampage. What if they would have kept him in jail after his third or fourth arrest. They didn't, and a bunch of folks died.

Here is what brings me to this.....Last week, someone entered a local church beat up a 60 yr. old lady almost to death, then killed the preacher. This idiot robbed a church. Here is the guy they arrested:

Oct. 2010 - aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
May 2010 - aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
2008 - Theft (note, there were no crimes between 2008-2010, he was in jail)
2007 - Theft (note, there wasn't much activity in 2006, he spent most of that time in jail)
2005 - unauthorized use of a vehicle

This guy committed five major crimes in 6 years, and he was in jail about half of that time. My question is why do we keep letting him out? Now he is again in jail for capital murder. He is accused of killing a preacher and almost killing a 60 yr. old lady in a church! This just makes me nuts. If only we would have locked him up for more than 4 months following his second conviction for assault with a deadly weapon, these two victims would be alive today. By the way, following his second conviction in less than a year for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, he got 8 months probation. 8 months! Gotta love our "justice" system. Maybe this time, he will get a stiff fine and have to pick up trash for a couple weeks!

Monday, January 17, 2011


I looked back at many of my old posts and realize that too many of them begin with comments on how long it has been between posts. No now, I say, forget you, no more apologies. If it takes a while, then so be it.

As I read my last post, I was a contract employee. That has changed. One day the VP showed up on a scheduled visit. He barely said hello, before he had a job offer for me. The money was right and I already know the company, so it was easy. I am still working on that huge project that I started in October, so I got my fingers crossed on that one. If it goes through, it will be a 10 year government contract supporting our military folks overseas.

Shifting Gears

As most people probably know, I am a proud Auburn alum. I live to watch Auburn football. Needless to say, I am on top of the world after the game last week. NATIONAL CHAMPS! I've done a real good job soaking it all in, reading everything and enjoying every second. It was 53 years since the last championship, so I may not live to see the next one, but the good news is this: I GOT TO SEE THIS ONE. THIS YEAR. 2010 PERFECT SEASON!

As many read the previous paragraph, they are already forming an insult directed at Auburn, or Cam Newton. I don't really get these people. They see happiness in others, and instead of sharing the happiness, they try to bring them down. I said recently, that I was on top of the world after the game. The first response I got was, "what are you going to do when they take the national championship away?" What is going on a person's life where they have to be the one to rain on a parade.

Hey look there is a happy person, let's go punch him in the gut and bring him down to our miserable level. Let's go to the women's hospital and talk to the women that just gave birth and tell them how many kids die young! There is no way we can let others enjoy life. Go sit outside a wedding chapel and talk about how many marriages end in divorce, OR you can just be happy.

So once again, forget you, my team one and you can't take that away from me!

Monday, September 20, 2010

Been Too Long

Well, sounds weird, but I've deliberately avoiding the blog. In some small way, I feel like I am narrating my life, while keeping everyone up to date. Not that people care, but I also like to look back in time to see what my thought were as things happened.

I've been avoiding this, because I had to reveal that I lost my job recently. I really didn't tell anyone because I hate the look people give you, and I hate that every conversation thereafter begins with, "so how's the job search?" I know people are asking because they are concerned, but when it is going bad, you get taken down a notch every time they ask. If you get asked multiple times, that's multiple notches, and I like the notch I'm on now and would prefer to get to a previous notch up not the other way.

Before you clowns all call and ask, I am working now and have been for a couple weeks. I took a contract job. It pays OK, but there may or may not be long term opportunity. I'm working on a big project (several hundred million $$$$$). If it goes well, there will most likely be opportunity, especially to those that contributed. If not, then I will probably be let got.

Other Stuff:

Emily had her first ER visit this weekend. That is a horrible experience. Carrie and I talked and strangely, the 7 hour visit didn't seem that long. Clearly the hard part is watching your baby hurt. Turns out that she had a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). I'm told that this is not uncommon amongst girls. I've never had one, so I don't have any perspective on the discomfort, but I can't imagine that it isn't fun.

I'll post about the whole ordeal once it is over. Today, she is still upset and doesn't stray too far from mom.